So today is the next stage in healing, which seems odd since I will actually be having more surgery. Later this afternoon I go into Hospital for a revision on my tummy tuck and a bi-lateral thigh lift. When I talk about healing I am not just talking about the physical change in my appearance, but the emotional and psychological healing that begins to take place as well.
I am reminded of the night before surgery (last time) when all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for Lin who’s heart was pounding away and couldn’t quiet her mind… It is not as bad this time, I am not having an anxiety attack, and I can write my way through a little of the feelings.
Initially I thought that I was not scared this time around, and I haven’t been for the most part. This time around I am not so anxious, in fact I know that it may be tough again, and I may have complications; but I am positive that I can get through, I have done it before.
But whilst I can have those thoughts, my body is also feeling stuff! As I sit in bed it is 2:22am as I type and my heart is still racing, anxiety is raising her ugly head again.
I have kinda been “up” for most of the day… I caught up with friends earlier. One friend noted that I was quite “buoyant” I think was the term he used, my heart was racing and I think It was the high before the low. Whilst I do not have bi-polar, it kind of feels a bit like what some people who do describe as the period of mania before the storm..
I think that for all of us who experience life’s ups and downs we can relate a little to this, in times of high stress our bodies release huge amounts of cortisol a hormone that rightly puts our bodies on alert, but it also has its downside, affecting metabolism, constricting blood vessels and flow, increased heart rate, the list goes on…
So I am going to try to sleep now… I have a lot to do in the morning. I have to get compression leggings for after the surgery to hold my thighs in place, finish packing and get my room ready for my return home… I will post from Hospital about the procedure, and how I am going…. Be aware that I will be on the good drugs for a while and that posts in the next week are not subject to my usual editorial scrutiny…
Ciao – Lin xox