Ability & Potential

Video

It is not about what we can’t do, but what we can.

I really believe that the mind and the power of positivity is essential in realising our potential. What we are capable of, what we can achieve in our lives is dependant on our attitude, and honestly if we dedicate our minds,  our will, leaving behind personal prejudice about what is possible we can reach what we think is not.

I think that sometimes we give up too early on our personal quests, whatever they may be… and that when we listen to what others say is possible, what is impossible, or improbable, we then limit our minds and our actions by others standards.

When we limit ourselves in our minds eye we begin to put the brakes on, we begin to believe the limit – we lose sight of our potential.  Personally I used to believe that I would never be fit enough to run, cycle or compete in a triathlon, that I would always be fat… I listened to my own negative self talk and that of others. I limited my mind in believing that a whole life was possible.

Then when faced with the prospect of changing my life  or dying from obesity complications, I decided that I would listen to people who had won the battle. That choice changed my mindset – the barriers came down. Sure there are times when I fell, heck we all but LIFE IS about learning to fall, then learning to get back up and keep going anyway.

This video of a young teenage skater reminded me of this lesson – It is not about limiting ourselves, it is about choice – making a decision to seek the edges of what we are capable of and living that life.

Livestrong – the Problem with Heroes

I love cycling, and after losing over 85kg, I actually enjoy participating in the sport and not just watching the various Tours on TV. Over the years I have followed the cycling and the Tour that tops them all, Le Tour de France… I used to watch the tour with my Dad when I lived at home. We would sit up together and discuss the stages, riders, teams, conditions – everything… In the years I lived at home we watched Lance ride his way to many, many victories.

Right now in the midst of all the controversy that is surrounding Mr Armstrong I don’t know what to feel. I am numb. I like many, many others I believed that Lance did not dope, part of me desperately still wants to believe this. There has not been any blood test evidence to my knowledge that shows he did, but there is evidence in the form of testimony from team mates and those in the inner circles. I am still not sure how I feel about the way it was collected or motives people may have… But all that aside Lance has been stripped of his titles.

I have seen many, many, many hateful comments on FB and other sites directed towards Lance, and I get it – I don’t participate in it, but I understand that people are hurt, they feel betrayed and that their trust has been broken. If I am honest, like many I feel a little foolish for believing all the prior claims of innocence, but part of me is still holding onto that; and here is where it gets complicated.

In Australia we have a habit of cutting people down to size. It is called “Tall Poppy Syndrome”. If someone is seen in Australia as getting a too cocky or confident, Aussie’s have a habit of turning on them. What I see happening to Lance is partly this , but also there is more to it. The issue is that people trusted him. He said I beat cancer, I trained hard, I got my body into shape, I can win, I am a winner, I am an example. And Yes he did all those things.

Using Performance Enhancing Drugs (PED’s) doesn’t change the facts that he beat cancer, trained like a machine or got into shape – but it does change his wins, and that he traded on those wins to earn money from endorsements and position himself as an example.

Personally to me Lance is an example, PED’s or not. He did beat cancer, he did train hard and drugs or no drugs he was, and is, an amazing athlete. He did amazing work with setting up Livestrong and providing hope and help to millions of cancer survivors around the world. Sending a message of hope and health and being an example of this has not changed in my eyes. I won’t hate on Lance and I won’t call him names, and this is the reason. I placed him on that pedestal, I put him up there in my own eyes, and this is my point…Heroes are people too!

What, you cry! – Yep it’s true, I know it is tough to believe, but they are. Heroes are flawed human beings just like the rest of us. I have made some mistakes in my life, Thank God most people don’t know about them. Lance made some mistakes, and for me that does not negate all the good in his life. I can’t call him names, I can’t hate him, because as a human, I am just like him – flawed and imperfect. I have heard all the arguments about role models being held to a higher standard, and I get that – but seriously at the end of the day he is just a person with thoughts, feelings and open to temptation, just like me.

I am disappointed if it’s true, I am sad, angry, numb – all that business. The problem with heroes is we expect them to be perfect in every way, we expect them to be human beings without flaws – in fact we demand it… and then we get pissed off when they don’t meet our expectations.

The problem with heroes is we expect them to be super human, so when they fall short of our expectations we experience a range of emotions, we get disappointed, angry and hurt. So what do we do with that – The Human race will always look for a champion of a cause, a hero…Perhaps the trick is to look at people around us and be inspired by them, but not idolize them. Perhaps the trick is to live our lives in the best light possible, become our own heroes, an example to ourselves, proud of ourselves; and whilst we can be inspired by others, encouraged by others let’s not lose sight of the fact that being a human is a messy business.

Till next time – Lin xox

Surgery, the next step…

Hey there lovely readers…It has been a while between drinks or blog posts, my apologies.  I caught up with a dear friend tonight; dinner, dessert and a DVD – perfect! He did chastise me a little for not having updated the blog in a while – and he was right… I then came home and checked Facebook to have another friend PM me to ask if everything was OK and that they hadn’t seen a blog in a while – Universe I hear you… So I will just get to it.

So readers the update is I am in the throws of preparing for some more plastic surgery. Round two 9 months after the first round and I am feeling only a little nervous this time. This surgery is a small revision on the tummy tuck, and the bigger role of having the excess skin removed from my thighs. This is all set to go down on the 19th of November – 3 weeks and 3 days away…

Honestly this time I am far less anxious about the surgery. I know what to expect afterwards, I feel ready to face it – and have organised the 8 weeks off work that it will take to recover. It seems like a long time, but it is major surgery and will take some time to be able to walk far enough given my job requires me to be fit and active (not to mention not doped out on pain killers)

So in the next 3 weeks I will be organising my life to make sure my time in hospital and when I am home recovering is as stress free as possible. I am still struggling with shift work, being tired and run down… I aim to take every day off between now and then to organise, rest and sleep… I do not want to get infections after surgery because I am run down (like after the tonsil surgery 2 months ago)

I feel that this is the next step in reclaiming my body. I hope that having the thigh reduction will help with the running and the  pain and discomfort that the excess skin creates at times. I am honestly very happy with how I am looking now. I am at a stable healthy weight, my doctor is very happy with that aspect.. However these processes and surgeries are also about helping heal the psychological impact that obesity has had on my life, it is not just about the aesthetic.

For all of you still losing weight, dreaming of the day you get to goal, feel alive and possible plan your own plastic surgery, know it can happen – There were many times I never thought I would get this far. I remember plenty of times that I felt at the bottom of the barrel ready to end it all. The lap band was the tool that allowed me to have the space and time to address the food addiction, the cycle of obesity… But it also meant hard work, exercise and not cheating the system. It happened for me slowly, sustainably, there were many plateau’s… But it did happen, my life is no longer one lived out in a fat coma – but one that is vibrant and I am content and very happy… I continue to learn more about myself everyday. Don’t give up – reach out to supports – and if you feel that you have no one else that you can reach out to – please leave me a message or email me at lin.k@me.com – you are not alone.

I would like to thank all my friends and family for your continued support this year. I have probably been a pain in the arse and a complaining git for some of it… You guys are my rocks…

I will keep you all updated, till next time – Love Lin xox

P.S; So – For those of you who have asked if I need anything, these is something you can do to help  – here is what I need – good book suggestions…The kindle needs some more books downloaded on it, basically I need some more reading material for the long nights in hospital. Feel free to leave your suggestions here on the blog, or on my FB page or emailed as per the address above……  Thanks 🙂

The “Boyfriend Cake” Flop

I haven’t posted this for tea and sympathy, It is more about being true and honest in this blog; and my journey. That being said, sometimes, some cakes, well they just don’t work out.

The ingredients you thought were there at the start, turned out to not be the true ingredients that you thought you were working with. Fortunately I realised this sooner than later. In my case the BF couldn’t keep up appearances or subterfuge any longer, the cake was cracking at the sides and had turned into a fruit cake – a fruit cake that was full of alcohol – bringing out a very different man to the guy I first met.

So after a few less than ideal conversations and being spoken to with anger and disrespect I ended it. He wanted to gloss over the issues and said I was stubborn, I said that being spoken to with contempt by seasoned drinker with anger issues was not something I was willing to compromise on, he could call that what he liked – but we would not be getting back together.

Saying goodbye wasn’t hard actually, I felt strong and know that I am worthy of more – Honestly the disappointment came in the form that he wasn’t the right guy and back to square one; but I do believe that I am happier single than in a bad relationship. So my focus is on continuing to live and love life, taking a break from dating and just enjoying every moment.

Testing all this stuff out has been tough, maybe tougher than losing the weight (mmm, maybe not) but I am proud that my self-esteem is strong, and that I continue to learn more about myself and relationships across all areas of my life. Being true to who I am is really the best feeling.

Have a great day, I know I will,  till next time – Lin xox

Carnie Wilson & Lap Band Surgery – Options

Carnie, front & centre in Wilson Phillips.

“If you Hold on for one more day, things will go your way”…I am not sure if you remember Wilson Phillips, the 3 daughters of two of the Beach Boys who had the hit “Hold On”… Well I remember them, mostly because I identified with Carnie who was overweight.  Carnie, has an amazing voice, unfortunately received more notoriety for her size rather than her ability to belt out a tune. I remember when she under went gastric by-pass surgery in 1999 and the press that she received.

Carnie did great with the by-pass surgery, and I remember thinking after she lost her weight that surgery might be an option for me… However I just could not get my head around this type of surgery,where the stomach is basically bypassed and the food you eat doesn’t get absorbed properly. You do eat smaller portions, but the permanent change by chopping up and rearranging the digestive system scared the crap out of me…

I knew that Carnie put on some weight after the birth of her children, and now I read that she has recently had lap band surgery in January (see link below). After having a lap band put in 4 years ago (and losing over 175 pounds in the process) I know the change it has made for me, and, I am glad that it is helping Carnie get her weight down again, but this leads me to a sticking point I have with weight loss surgery…

Why is the least invasive option not explored first? I know for some people’s life style Lap Band won’t work, they will try to cheat the band… But why is there such a propensity especially in the USA to go down the path of organ altering permanent surgery first? Lap Band does take a little longer to get the weight off, it is not easy, but it can be reversed and removed and with no damage to the stomach or digestive system (barring complications). The other reason lap band should be a well-considered 1st option is that it is adjustable and can be tightened and loosened depending on life circumstances and need to lose weight or maintain. Therefore if you get pregnant and need calories, it can be adjusted, If you hit goal, it can be adjusted… If you are not feeling restricted it can be tightened a little…

I feel for Carnie, honestly one of my biggest fears (apart from birds) is putting weight back on…  But I am scared when the weight loss industry and surgeons take the most drastic surgery option as a first step, and sell this options to desperate people as the quickest and easiest way forward. Lap Banding has its issues too, but cutting the stomach out, bypassing it and taking food straight to the intestines should surely not the very first surgical option given to patients today.  I do understand that Lap Band has come a long way since 1999, and that maybe for Carnie it was rightly not a first option… But why do the stats in the States still show that gastric bypass is still the top choice?

Are we providing people with all the options first… The truth is no. It seems that it is up to the obese “consumer” to do all the research and surgeons offer their “service”, like picking a product off a shelf. I have an issue with this. I did my research, that is the type of woman I am, but desperate people are often “sold” a solution rather than their HEALTH treated with CARE…

I am lucky, I got a great Surgeon who did go over all the options with me, listened to me, I was, and, still am cared for by him, but not everyone is as lucky… I would like to see the weight loss industry, whether diet, exercise or surgery overhauled. I would like the industry to stop selling to people, and start caring for people, But honestly, I don’t expect to see it in my lifetime – there are too many desperate people and too much money at stake.

Till next time, Lin

Carnie Wilson Undergoes Lap-Band Surgery – E! Online.

Crazy…No just committed

Love this Quote

I got called “Crazy” tonight. Just because I wanted to go home after shift and run, and that it was likely to be still raining,. Many of you know that I have a habit, a pattern of coming home after shift and doing my running then. I have blogged about it, I have talked about it, I like it. Running in the wee hours of the morning works for me. I can unwind from work, push it all out and leave it on the pavement.

It was wet again tonight. I am not a fan of working in the rain. I work outside and wear 5 – 6 layers of clothing which consists of wool thermal tops, singlets, hoodies, t-shirts, and wind/water proof jackets. Whilst I don’t like spending hours walking around the city in the rain, I make every effort to stay as dry as possible, no one wants to be wet for hours, then drive home wet and cold.

But running – that is different. It is a time framed thing. I did 5.5km this morning. When I got home it wasnt raining, by the time I changed and walked outside it was the slow steady drizzle rain that soaks you through. I ran anyway, I said earlier I would run, even if it was raining. I did. I like it when it drizzles like this. I feel that my body stays cool, it is not crazy – it is committed. Plus when you get back home and you can deal with the wet then…

Crazy is sitting on the couch making excuses.

Crazy is the way i used to live, – if you could call it living, looking back i can’t, it was more of a sad existence. I was sick, tired, obese, stuck and making excuses… That was what was crazy, that Lin was lost – She was crazy and all her systems were unhealthy.

SO – if i tell you about my training, it is not crazy, it is committed. If I tell you about my events coming up and trying to squeeze them all in, it is not crazy it is taking life with both hands and living it with vigour.

I am not crazy – I am committed – committed to living a full and healthy life, having fun – and realise that to have a healthy mind and emotional life I first must live a physically healthy life. Running in the rain – that is just the tip of the iceberg. Being stronger and healthier is my goal… weight loss is the natural by-product of living a committed healthy lifestyle.

My goals at the moment are to work towards getting back to running a 10km before the 15th of May, strengthening my core, and improving on my shoulder and upper body strength after surgery. I am still having a little discomfort and pain with the arms and tummy… Not all the time – but strength is the key and working with the physio is helping.

So dear readers, find your commitment, call it crazy if you like… In fact I think I will embrace the word crazy now – Yep call me crazy; crazy about being healthy, fit and strong enough to live the life I want.

BTW the run was awesome! the key when running in the rain is getting home, stripping off the wet gear straight away and jumping into a warm shower. Now for sleep…

Till next time, Crazy Lin xox

Evil Easter Bunnies…

If I could photoshop I would have made his eyes look evil to reflect his true character.. Actually if you look closely he does look like he is hiding something.

Have you heard the bad news…. It is about the Bunny… We used to be close, I was once so fond of him; but he is abusive and I am sorry to tell you – a little evil.

Sure, he looks cute, with his little red bow and bell. He is all shiny and gold, with a teenie tiny nose, And by God if he doesn’t just taste like a tiny piece of heaven… all creamy, velvety, smooth; so very smooth. OK enough of the food porn… Back to the point of the post.

I got back to my training classes this week – Cardio on Saturday morning and then a fitball session – Whilst there; the amazing Dave (our trainer) decided to educate us on the Evils of Easter. Dave (being the good trainer he is) tells us that the bunny to which I refer *cough Lindt cough* has a little secret, for the 200gm size bunny – he packs a big 1086 calories, that is pretty much your whole daily intake of energy for the day, all sugar, all going straight to storage (also known as fat cells) Yikes! I couldn’t believe it, surely Dave was wrong,  But I looked it up, and if you don’t believe me I have added the calorie king link below.

Sure I know it is Easter, and the phrase Easter Scrooge was bandied about yesterday in relation to Dave, but these little treats add up friends… A bunny here, an elegant rabbit there, a chocolate creme egg or two, and then there are the hot cross buns, best I don’t get started on those; someone is likely to take a contract out on me…

Some might call me a kill joy – Yes I have eaten a few eggs this Easter (a big basket of free eggs at work didn’t help) but it is over – I have cut myself off… Most people will get their stashes of chocolate today – I dare you to add up the calories of your collection, remembering that you have to burn 7700 calories to lose a kilogram of fat…I think It is easier not to eat it in the first place… I burnt around 400 calories in a one hour cardio session yesterday… So Lindt you can keep your bunny, have him back – for around 3 hours of hard work – He’s just not worth it…

Enjoy your Easter, till next time – Lin xox

CalorieKing.com.au – Food Data. Nutrition information about your favourite food. fat, fibre, protein and more.

Gastric (Lap) Band – Part 1; What is it?

Gastric Lap Band Illustration (the port at the bottom right of pic is what is stitched to the muscle wall under the skin)

Part of understanding my journey is knowing that I had a Gastric (Lap) Band surgically implanted around 4 years ago. I realized that I haven’t written a lot about the Band, why I had it, what is does, and why I chose that path.

This first post (in this series) will look at what the lap band is, and how it works. I get a many questions about this and hopefully this post will be able to clarify some of the more popular queries.

A Gastric Band is a device that is placed around the top of your stomach. Looking at the picture to the right we can see that there is a plastic ring which on the inside has a silicone tube, this section is adjustable via saline solution being filled into the port.

The inner sections are adjustable with saline solution via the port and when filled contracts more around the opening of the stomach section is adjustable. From the band a tube runs down to a port, this is how the saline solution is injected into your band, essentially filling the silicone up and tightening it around the top of the stomach.

The lap band is inserted into you body via keyhole surgery.  The surgeon places the band around the top section of your stomach, where the stomach meets the esophagus. When adjusted the band creates a small opening into the stomach.

The band works in two ways;

  • It causes the brain to believe that you feel full, with a very small amount of food or sometimes even when you don’t eat. The band stimulates the nerves that sends these messages to the brain.
  • The band also physically creates a small pouch like stomach above your stomach. The food that you must chew well slowly enters the stomach. This makes you feel full and you don’t consume as many calories.

The port of the lap band is stitched to the muscle wall of the abdomen under the skin. After surgery your doctor / surgeon adjusts it with using a needle to inject saline which travels up tubing into the band tightening it. The adjustment is a simple procedure, seeing a doctor at their rooms like a normal consultation, I am usually in and out in 5 – 10 mins after a quick weigh in and chat about my progress.

The lap band can stay implanted indefinitely as long as are no issues. As it is adjustable all the fluid can be removed and you will have no restriction if required.

The Gastric Band is not an easy solution, you can cheat the band, eat all the chocolate, ice-cream, mushy food and anything liquid you like, they slide right on through and the calories on these add up quick. The band does have some issues however, sometimes I can’t keep food down, I can have days where I feel a bit more restriction than others and the band feels tighter and when happens food gets “stuck” and won’t go through the band – it can be painful and results in food coming up (not quite vomiting more like a painful swallow back up).

The Band is an aid in weight loss, it doesn’t do the work for you, I have worked hard to watch my portions, my food choices, and then there is exercise – a lot of exercise. For me the band was the tool I needed to get off the bulk of the weight to allow myself to begin to have success reprogramming my former failure mentality and be able to engage in physical activity.

In my next post I will discuss why the band worked for me, what I have struggled with, and would I recommend it, etc – If you have any questions please feel free to leave it in the comments section and I will do my very best to answer them…

Till next time, Lin xox

The Best Medicine (is half an hour)

23 and 1/2 hours: What is the single best thing we can do for our health? – YouTube

Seriously, Watch the link above, it is a great watch; I love an easy to follow, informative animated presentation – and I am not going to write about the ins and outs of the video – Just watch it, it is better than any summary I can write. Surprisingly  it does touch on a post  I wrote a while ago in relation to TV and health…But If you don’t watch it the premise is that one half hour a day is the best medicine for us, it’s free (ie walking) and will save us our health and hip pocket!

I just got the big thumbs up from my surgeon this week to go ahead with exercise. I had reconstructive plastic surgery of a tummy tuck and arm lift 6 weeks ago. He let me know I can get back into everything: slowly building up my running and weights… I did my first 2.5km run back after 6 weeks off this week – I Loved it, I went without my Garmin running watch which calculates distance, pace, heart rate etc. I went just for the love of running and not looking at numbers allowed me to relax and let my body go at its natural pace whilst I continue to recover and build up.

Exercise for me is not just about losing more weight or weight control. For me exercise just makes me feel really bloody good! I am addicted and get a bit of a high off it 🙂

Exercise has improved my quality of life and improved my overall fitness. It gave me my life back, and I would much prefer to live a 21 -23.5 hour day (giving the balance to exercise) than ask for more hours in a day – Honestly there ARE enough hours in a day; and I am willing to bet that a large majority of people who would ask for more hours would end up giving those hours over to their TV habit anyway. 😦

We cannot change the clock to give us more time (unless you have the DeLorean with a flux capacitor in your garage), but we can change our priorities, our lives, families and communities by becoming healthier. Every minute counts, and it is up to us what we do with them.

Till next time

Lin xox

Food Day Tuesday; You’ve Lost that Focused Feeling.

My Net Diary App - A great tool

This Food Day Tuesday is a bit about what I am struggling with at the moment – FOOD.        Having a Lap Band does not prevent you from consuming too many calories. With the lap band you can cheat it. You can eat ice-cream, chocolate and drink calories and eat mushy food. I feel am close to slipping into this arena…

I have lost that focused feeling… That feeling where I feel in control and the actions of tracking my food intake with my calorie app on my iphone.

That is over.. Starting now – not tomorrow – now… I will be tracking every last morsel that goes into my mouth again. I will re focus and use the tools that I know work… All this being said – I haven’t gone mental and completely lost the plot… I just feel that I am not being true to myself and my new lifestyle and goals. I have been eating a little too frequently things that I should not be.

I have not been looking at my portions and adding up the calories. I know that this can be dangerous. Nothing has really changed on the scale yet… But I know that being mindful and aware of the food that is going into my mouth is important. Saying NO to my own wants and desires where food is concerned is important. One thing that I can do now, that I couldn’t do years ago – is throw food out – so If I do succumb at the supermarket and buy something like a tub of ice-cream and then realize I will eat the whole bloody tub in one sitting, I can throw it out before I get too far into it. Better in the bin than on my butt 😉

I need to learn to say No again – like I just did to a glass of wine offered by my house mate Lynn (who is awesome). I need to remember that feeling of control. I need to plan, implement the plan, measure my actions, review what I am doing – adjust and continue. This also includes measuring my calories burnt from exercise.

So here is the plan of attack;

*Track all my calories on the My Net Diary App.

*Track all my exercise on same App.

*Meditate each day to focus my mind

*Tracking my sleeping patterns and trying to bring them back into some semblance of routine. (This is difficult with shift work)

*Be gentle to myself and not mentally berate myself.

*Eat out less and make better choices when I do.

So I thought that it was important to share my struggles at the moment, I have gotten a bit of feedback from people congratulating me on all my good work – this is always great and always welcome 😉 – but if i didn’t share the tough times this blog would be a sham and I would only be presenting a false front… So if you have any feedback or any other suggestions to improve my plan of attack they are always welcome..

Till next time

Lin xox