3/4 done already!

Tomorrow marks the start of Oct, and that there is only 3 months left of 2012, they say that time flies when you’re having fun… well it has been a full year – fun however, hmm, I have had fun at times, but mostly it has been a year about learning.

I like to review the year as it goes along, check my list of things I still want to achieve, review my goals. So what have I learnt so far, there have been a few major themes this year…

1. It is OK if everything I wanted to happen this year didn’t come to fruition.

This is mainly in relation to my goals of running and working out. I have not run a half marathon of full marathon this year like I wanted to and didn’t end up competing in tough mudder. This is in light of health issues, the major surgery, chronic tonsillitis, and the heart scare… I was quite harsh on myself initially for not getting these complete, but then remembered that all these events have been tough to get through and that takes a strength on a whole other level to get better and continue to function.

2. I need to care more about myself and less about others…

I really did know this before this year, but I am really trying to stop feeling responsible for other people’s feelings and lives. I can’t control any of that – I can only worry about myself… I am trying to care less, not in a bad way – but in a way that is healthier for everyone…

3. Trust my gut more…

We have intuition for a reason, it could have saved me pain and heart ache if i listened earlier – but I did listen in the end…

So for the next 3 months, I will pack in a few more fun things and finish off with a bang – Oh and there is the next surgery, (leg lift) but I know what to expect with that now and am happy to get the legs dealt with!

Enjoy the last quarter of your year…

Lin xox

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Getting back together…

I know that it has been a while since we caught up, months actually, and If I’m honest, I was a little nervous about tonight, and I wasn’t sure it would be the same, feel the same.

I know that when things got hectic, and I got sick – I let us slip…  That’s why coming back was so hard. What if it wasn’t the same? You know we had great times together. What if something else comes between us again?

I made the decision to see you at the last minute. I think it was so I wouldn’t talk myself out of meeting. My stomach was a knot, my head a bit of a mess… What if doesn’t feel as good as the last time, what if the magic was gone…

I wore the outfit you like, Ha, no, You don’t really care what I wear do you? You just want me to turn up. I think I wore that outfit for me, I always feel great in that top and those pants – ready to take on the world, confident, strong…

Before I know it, the dream is reality again. We are together, my knees start to shake, I kind of stumble, and I am slow, but slow can be good, right? I know I am rusty, but the rhythm comes back, my arms, legs, hips all start to work in sync – it feels wrong, but right at the same time, such a cliché!

After a while I realize I am so tense, Damn, I know I am over thinking this. I just want it to be good, like it used to be –  like I used to be. I use a little mantra, relax Lin, relax, I feel the tension in my shoulders go, then I relax some more – just feeling every moment with you…

When we finish I can feel those endorphins kickin’ round in my system, I almost forgot how good it could feel – just you and me…

My body quiets down, the feel good wearing off as my heart rate returns to normal. I am lying on the bed, and it starts; I know you never criticise me, – it’s never you – but the doubts creep in, and those critical voices come out to play,

“You started out too fast, your pace was off.”

“There was no rhythm – towards the end you were lagging, you know you were.”

“HA the ending, well you didn’t…you didn’t finish well dear”…

I almost scream, SHUT UP! – But it is now 2:30am and the apartment below would probably hear… So I scream it in my head… I remind myself, it’s ok to be rusty, it’s been a while, and that you don’t care, It doesn’t matter how long I lasted, or that my rhythm was off, that I was slow, or so hot and sweaty at the end that it was a little embarrassing…

What matters is that I came back to you tonight, in the wee hours of the morning, I came back to you, and you welcomed me with open arms, no judgment, no laughter, no “You should have come back sooner”.

You don’t judge me, never have, never will, and that, that is why I love you Running.

Lin xox

Spring…

What a marvellous day today… I woke up at 8am – unheard of for a shift worker, and unlike myself I could not get back to sleep. So remembering that it was the first Saturday of the month (and coincidentally the first day of Spring)  I toddled off to the farmers market up the road to make the most of the glorious blue skies, and get some bread, pesto and delicious tarts… Don’t worry they were lemon tarts so goes towards the fruit count right. 😉

Well after that, and buying some fresh flowers for the house, my house mate Lynn and I (yes same name different spelling) set about planting all our new plants for the balcony. Seemed fitting it being the first day of spring. We had to make another trip to Bunnings Hardware for 2 more bags of soil though…we did add up all the pots litreage and got a bit more but apparently you have to compensate for soil compacting – lesson learnt.

As smart as I am I decided to finish the job in bare feet. And after I (klutz) bashed my foot into a 10kg bag of pebbles, and then the steel rail that holds the air conditioner unit in place, I realised that my feet were the colour of the ace of spades… Not to worry I found the perfect solution, a scrub with the ex-boyfriends toothbrush – cathartic and practical.

When we finished the planting we topped the afternoon with some lovely green tea and the citrus tarts on the balcony (pic above)… Just before heading to work… Bring on Spring!                                                                                                                             ( Ps; Sorry about the quality of the photos, just used the iPhone before work.

Keep Smiling, Lin xox