Long time coming

I am at a cross roads with this blog… I have not posted since February. In many way my life have drastically changed since I started posting here. I have started a new job teaching this year, I have had a dramatic learning curve, most of my spare time is spent thinking about my teaching practice and how to become an educator that excels in all aspects of her profession. I know that all teachers say this, but the hours are long, there is no off switch when you get home, and there is always something to prepare, read, do… I was reading my blog by line when I logged in today – “Living each day after reclaiming it from obesity” – part of that I think is really about moving on from this type of blogging as well.

Honestly I am always going to struggle with my weight, food, exercise – but in a western culture, where food is abundant and much of our devices are designed to make life easier – I think most of us do!

The time for the style of this blog focusing on reclaiming my life from obesity is over, this doesn’t mean I wont blog on exercise, food or weight loss… I just want to make sure that my byline and blog is a reflection of what I am learning and living each day. Don’t worry this doesn’t mean that it will all be about education and teaching! I do actually have interests outside of work…

But I think that this blog will expand to include some of my other interests, become about Living, Inspiring and Nurturing all aspects of my mind, body and spirit. It has focused long enough on the body or physical… I hope that doing this will also reignite my desire to write and share again.

Till next time

Lin x

Ability & Potential

Video

It is not about what we can’t do, but what we can.

I really believe that the mind and the power of positivity is essential in realising our potential. What we are capable of, what we can achieve in our lives is dependant on our attitude, and honestly if we dedicate our minds,  our will, leaving behind personal prejudice about what is possible we can reach what we think is not.

I think that sometimes we give up too early on our personal quests, whatever they may be… and that when we listen to what others say is possible, what is impossible, or improbable, we then limit our minds and our actions by others standards.

When we limit ourselves in our minds eye we begin to put the brakes on, we begin to believe the limit – we lose sight of our potential.  Personally I used to believe that I would never be fit enough to run, cycle or compete in a triathlon, that I would always be fat… I listened to my own negative self talk and that of others. I limited my mind in believing that a whole life was possible.

Then when faced with the prospect of changing my life  or dying from obesity complications, I decided that I would listen to people who had won the battle. That choice changed my mindset – the barriers came down. Sure there are times when I fell, heck we all but LIFE IS about learning to fall, then learning to get back up and keep going anyway.

This video of a young teenage skater reminded me of this lesson – It is not about limiting ourselves, it is about choice – making a decision to seek the edges of what we are capable of and living that life.

Being Tough (and not)

Hey readers, I am sitting here in a bed, not my bed – although it has been for the past 13 nights… but a bed none the less.  As I have previously blogged I came into hospital for a thigh lift and revision on my abdominoplasty, that was almost 2 weeks ago. This experience has been quite different to my first plastic surgery. I envisioned that it would be similar to the first surgery, after all legs are quite similar to arms, well that was what I thought. My surgeon House, (that is what I call him as it is part of his name) did tell me that this procedure is more complicated than doing my arms, but in my mind I still compared the two… 

I had a minor complication after this surgery, that’s why I am still here,  the suture line on my inner  right thigh came undone about 5 days after the initial surgery. I was still in hospital and being cared for extremely well (the nursing staff here are 5 kinds of fabulous), so I was sent back into surgery to have the leg washed out and re-sutured with a drainage tube. 

I have had a few rough days since then, honestly I can tough out a lot of stuff – there was the nausea and not being able to keep anything down from the antibiotics, the increased pain levels from having the already traumatised leg worked on again etc… but today I had a mini emotional crash day. Still sore and bruised (my inner thighs look like a thug took a baseball bat to them) I had the “What the hell did I decide to do to myself” moment. I had a little cry and wanted to take it all back. Deep down I know I have made the right decision, and that this is just that moment where I am feeling emotionally vulnerable, and that’s ok, it’s impossible to be tough all the time. 

I don’t like being or feeling vulnerable, it make me anxious to not have a sense of control. I have very limited control over how my body heals, and despite trying my best to manage the pain it can wear you down after awhile. What I realised however is that part of the process is in fact experiencing the full journey, embracing the fact that I am not in control, that I am not as tough as I try to be. That it’s OK to cry, experience pain – it is the human experience. It is essential to not only understand my own journey but to relate others stories as well. 

Thanks for reading, till next time – Lin xox

Surgery, here we go again

So today  is the next stage in healing, which seems odd since I will actually be having more surgery. Later this afternoon I go into Hospital for a revision on my tummy tuck and a bi-lateral thigh lift. When I talk about healing I am not just talking about the physical change in my appearance, but the emotional and psychological healing that begins to take place as well.

I am reminded of the night before surgery (last time) when all through the house, not a creature was stirring except for Lin who’s heart was pounding away and couldn’t quiet her mind… It is not as bad this time, I am not having an anxiety attack, and I can write my way through a little of the feelings.

Initially I thought that I was not scared this time around, and I haven’t been for the most part. This time around I am not so anxious, in fact I know that it may be tough again, and I may have complications; but I am positive that I can get through, I have done it before.

But whilst I can have those thoughts, my body is also feeling stuff! As I sit in bed it is 2:22am as I type and my heart is still racing, anxiety is raising her ugly head again.

I have kinda been “up” for most of the day… I caught up with friends earlier. One friend noted that I was quite “buoyant” I think was the term he used, my heart was racing and I think It was the high before the low. Whilst I do not have bi-polar, it kind of feels a bit like what some people who do describe as the period of mania before the storm..

I think that for all of us who experience life’s ups and downs we can relate a little to this, in times of high stress our bodies release huge amounts of cortisol a hormone that rightly puts our bodies on alert, but it also has its downside, affecting metabolism, constricting blood vessels and flow, increased heart rate, the list goes on…

So I am going to try to sleep now… I have a lot to do in the morning. I have to get compression leggings for after the surgery to hold my thighs in place, finish packing and get my room ready for my return home… I will post from Hospital about the procedure, and how I am going…. Be aware that I will be on the good drugs for a while and that posts in the next week are not subject to my usual editorial scrutiny…

Ciao – Lin xox

3/4 done already!

Tomorrow marks the start of Oct, and that there is only 3 months left of 2012, they say that time flies when you’re having fun… well it has been a full year – fun however, hmm, I have had fun at times, but mostly it has been a year about learning.

I like to review the year as it goes along, check my list of things I still want to achieve, review my goals. So what have I learnt so far, there have been a few major themes this year…

1. It is OK if everything I wanted to happen this year didn’t come to fruition.

This is mainly in relation to my goals of running and working out. I have not run a half marathon of full marathon this year like I wanted to and didn’t end up competing in tough mudder. This is in light of health issues, the major surgery, chronic tonsillitis, and the heart scare… I was quite harsh on myself initially for not getting these complete, but then remembered that all these events have been tough to get through and that takes a strength on a whole other level to get better and continue to function.

2. I need to care more about myself and less about others…

I really did know this before this year, but I am really trying to stop feeling responsible for other people’s feelings and lives. I can’t control any of that – I can only worry about myself… I am trying to care less, not in a bad way – but in a way that is healthier for everyone…

3. Trust my gut more…

We have intuition for a reason, it could have saved me pain and heart ache if i listened earlier – but I did listen in the end…

So for the next 3 months, I will pack in a few more fun things and finish off with a bang – Oh and there is the next surgery, (leg lift) but I know what to expect with that now and am happy to get the legs dealt with!

Enjoy the last quarter of your year…

Lin xox

The “Boyfriend Cake” Flop

I haven’t posted this for tea and sympathy, It is more about being true and honest in this blog; and my journey. That being said, sometimes, some cakes, well they just don’t work out.

The ingredients you thought were there at the start, turned out to not be the true ingredients that you thought you were working with. Fortunately I realised this sooner than later. In my case the BF couldn’t keep up appearances or subterfuge any longer, the cake was cracking at the sides and had turned into a fruit cake – a fruit cake that was full of alcohol – bringing out a very different man to the guy I first met.

So after a few less than ideal conversations and being spoken to with anger and disrespect I ended it. He wanted to gloss over the issues and said I was stubborn, I said that being spoken to with contempt by seasoned drinker with anger issues was not something I was willing to compromise on, he could call that what he liked – but we would not be getting back together.

Saying goodbye wasn’t hard actually, I felt strong and know that I am worthy of more – Honestly the disappointment came in the form that he wasn’t the right guy and back to square one; but I do believe that I am happier single than in a bad relationship. So my focus is on continuing to live and love life, taking a break from dating and just enjoying every moment.

Testing all this stuff out has been tough, maybe tougher than losing the weight (mmm, maybe not) but I am proud that my self-esteem is strong, and that I continue to learn more about myself and relationships across all areas of my life. Being true to who I am is really the best feeling.

Have a great day, I know I will,  till next time – Lin xox

Safety First

Short and Sweet today, this post is very random for me! But I felt that I should write it. Today’s life lesson is about Safety, the Letter T and the number 4.

I awoke to a grey skied day with rain, rain, and a little more rain for good measure. I had a bunch of errands today and out into the grey I headed. I was a little distracted on the road, water flying everywhere, my head a jungle of thoughts, ideas and concerns. On the way up Nepean Hwy towards the City I had to brake hard, “thanks truck for swerving into my lane, very helpful!” . The tyres didn’t quite react as well as I hoped, there was a little aqua plane action, but I pulled up just in time. On Freeway home from the beautician in the afternoon, this time a “P” plate driver came into my lane unannounced and uninvited; again with the brakes, and I felt that (despite the rain) that either the brakes or the tyres weren’t just reacting like usual. I decided that I should get the tyres checked, I thought that I was possibly due to replace 2 of them. So stopping at the Highway Tyre store near home I found out that 2 were overdue, the other two were very close to the margin for replacement. My particular tyres are quite specialised in size and profile, so aren’t cheap (typical). But safety is cheaper than an accident or possible life time health complications from one. So I opted to change all 4 Tyres, straight up, just do it!

Why do I write this, I suppose with the change of seasons (and so many near misses in one day on the roads) I wanted to remind my friends and readers to remember to check the thing that keeps you on the road, and often the thing we forget or overlook.

I ended up getting a great deal from my local Tyre Centre, saving around $80 per tyre, and despite the savings, there is no price that I can place on my safety or the safety of those I share the road with.

So Lesson on Safety – Check

Number 4 (tyres) – Check

T – for Tyres and Timeliness – Check

Safe Driving out there,

Till next time – Lin. xox