Ever not recognised yourself?
I had a bit of a crazy moment on Saturday night. I was out with my training group for our Christmas Party (we might train hard – but we party harder!) It was a great night with lots of fun, a few drinks and crazy dance moves. But I did have a slight melt down internally regarding photos.
Photos are still really hard for me to deal with. I love taking Photos, I am part of a photography group, have an OK digital SLR and like to capture a shot or two… I don’t usually take photo’s of people, portraiture photograpghy is not really my thing.
But all that being said, I don’t like my photo being taken at the best of times. I am OK sometimes to pose with other people, but I really struggle with it… I know that people love capturing moments at events, and I am not opposed to them in theory. But I don’t like photos of just me – at events or anytime; Even when I put them on here I am pushing myself to be honest and real. I hated photos of me when I was massive, and struggle now even though I am getting smaller. In some respects they are harder now – as I don’t really “see” me in them yet.
Group photos are a little easier, If you give me a friend to stand with – that makes it a bit better! Sometimes I have woken up (especially after night shift) and there are these images on Facebook, and I think “is that me? I don’t look like that” and there is serious a “disconnect” moment; So please don’t be offended if I untag myself, and I may ask you not to put images up or take photos of me. It will take time (I think) to make my brain realise that I am the woman in these photos. But at the moment there is this disconnect and the only way I can deal with it is slowly and by trying to have some control.
All these crazy new brain wires need to somehow establish a new connection, make that connection strong and the new pathway will hopefully become easier to link the me in real life, with the image of me that is captured… I just hope that I don’t short circuit in the mean time 🙂
Till next time – Lin xox
P.S – One day I will post a before photo and a now photo – it is a big step and one that I am still working up too!)